somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
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