I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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