He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Bring me that man meat
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
