I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
