He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
