i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
