my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
