Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Your cock deserves a montage
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Randomize
