I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
