It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
