I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
