Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
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