i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize