I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
time to smoke my breakfast
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
