You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
