Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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