That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
pop tarts are not kleenex
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
