new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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