This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
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I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
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I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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