I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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