Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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