ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
