All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize