i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
