im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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