btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
