This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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