definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
