last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize