Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
