some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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