The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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