FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
