Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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