Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
