woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's shark week go big or go home
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
