He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
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I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
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Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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