I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
