i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
