She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
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Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
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And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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