I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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