I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
