I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
