U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
