i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
