My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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