She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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