Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
