Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
