I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I feel great
I just peed on a car
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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