ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
