I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As shirtless as possible
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize