I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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