Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
