between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
