Yo dont text me then not text me
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
