she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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