I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
