I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
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I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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