I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
