apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
