this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
