My liver just broke up with me...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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