omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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