if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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